He asked to "fluff my boner.."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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