don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
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saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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