Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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