Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
