Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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