I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this will be a night to untag.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
