Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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