Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
