I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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