bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
