Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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