Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
