Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have feelings that need drinking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
