I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
