oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
