Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
