his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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