Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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