Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
