By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
