i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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