i just wanna soil my oats bro
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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