I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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