Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
