i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
