No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
as a side note pls kill me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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