I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
