the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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