please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
