Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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