I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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