I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
