This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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