my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
