3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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