babies were throwing up all over the place
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
