We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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