How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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