last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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