I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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