Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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