What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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