I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
