i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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