Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
