The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
