His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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