Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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