I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
