I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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