I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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