I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
