My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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