The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
