dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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