Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
