We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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