"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
