hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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