I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
