He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
