plz talk dirty to me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
