Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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