Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How naked do you want me to be?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
