the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
