you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
