he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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