"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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