We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
